[ shoyo doesn’t exactly flinch, but his surprise is evident in the way both his ears and eyes flip sideways to lang on basil. he can’t exactly keep still with his huffing and sniveling, but he doesn’t jerk away. he just . . .
watches basil with unblinking, swollen eyes, pained and mourning. ]
I did. [ not meaning to would have been killing her against his will. he may have not wanted to act like that now, but he still did. and that didn’t change the fact that his intention then had been what it was. if he had to do anything, with all of his respect toward max, and basil? is to not take that tempting, easy way out that seemed promising to balm the pain involving it. he had to man up and own it. ] I was so . . . Lonely, I wanted— I wanted her, t-to stay, with me.
[ he wasn’t trying to throw his blame anywhere, just— he didn’t know. an explanation was warranted to answer what happened? somehow. ]
And that’s . . . H-how I eat.
[ but he only found out after max had him remember. ]
...I know. I mean...you...you didn't hurt her because you wanted to. You weren't...trying to hurt her.
[He just...was compelled to. To keep her with him. Literally.
That's what Basil has to believe. He can't fathom a world in which Shoyo would hurt someone intentionally, maliciously. And for that, well...he can't say he isn't upset at all, because the hurt is showing in his eyes and the way he holds himself. But he couldn't possibly hate him for it either, not given all the circumstances that have led them to this point.]
You. You said you and Max were...talking about it?
[ some things that shoyo expected were there— that upset. that sadness and discomfort, but anger or rejection just. wasn't . . . there. shoyo's eyes trail the dim glowing green that scales up his arms, and at last, settles on the gargoyle.
he doesn't know until what point he's deserving of this amount of understanding, or effort to instead of just— pushing him away. it felt like the most obvious answer. maybe the easiest reaction and he's not seeing it. ]
We— talked. She reminded me. But . . . [ it hadn't extended much beyond the truth, and two lost children lacking in ideas to do much of anything beyond tears and fears. not even shoyo knew, yet. there were more things he didn't remember from the backrooms. ] We need more time, to figure it out. She . . . Needs time.
[ as much as she ]
I want to talk again— when she feels better to. [ shoyo sucks his lips into his mouth, canines pinching the skin from above. even if he raw eyes feel stingy and heavy, tears no longer fall; they've stained his cheeks enough, and what's left of them are abrupt little jolts from his shoulders as his lungs hiccup. ] I just wish I could . . . do something.
[ but it's frustrating that he comes up blank every damn time. ]
[Basil imagines that Shoyo must have expected far worse. He expected Basil to hate him for hurting someone so close to him, and...he's not wrong for thinking that. But Basil is a kid with a soft heart, and his capacity for anger- while absolutely there- needs a catalyst. And while Max dying is certainly plenty enough to be one, there are circumstances here that make it a bit more complicated than that. Never mind how much this reminds him of that time, way back when...
The Gargoyle swallows against the dryness in his mouth, wrapping his tail tight around his legs. He hates this, not just for Max, but for Shoyo too. And while it's something of a relief to finally know what happened, he...also feels burdened by it. It's knowledge he almost wishes he didn't have.]
...that...that's what matters most to me right now. That you listen to her, and do things at her pace. Which...it sounds like you're doing.
But— [ that's what matters to me most. was an angel speaking to him? it was too much mercy, he almost didn't know what to do with it. shoyo reels his knees in close to his chest, keeping his hands balled between those. there isn't a moment where he doesn't feel his throat tight and hot with stinging. ] How do you feel? I need— I need to know, how you feel.
[How does he feel? That part...is a little trickier, but he wants to be honest. And he will be, taking a slow breath before he answers.]
I'm...a little upset you didn't tell me the truth, but that...I know that wasn't your fault. You didn't lie on purpose.
[Unlike some people-]
And I...wish you didn't hurt Max. But I can't take it back now that it's already happened. ...I think I would have felt different if...you guys fought or something, and you hurt her on purpose to be mean...you know?
[ he wished it wasn't him. he wished it never happened. i didn't know, shoyo tells himself in the comfort (or not) of his own thoughts, too. maybe a part of him knew something was wrong, but— it was so painful to remember. almost too painful. it felt like there was something more being torn from him when he did. torn and crushed and smeared all over the place. for basil to understand that was . . . a miracle he wasn't expecting, and something stronger than relief washes down his shoulders like a cascade. it didn't mean things were lighter, actually— he still felt the weight of it. harsh and beating on his back. ]
I'd never . . . I, [ his lips feel dry, and so does his mouth when he holds his breath back. before he could see himself exhaling, he was already saying it. ] love you guys.
[ his eyes feel like they'll stay watery permanently. they are such simple words, yet deeply profound. people need to hear it more, say it more, it didn't matter if he only knew them since may. they were his friends and he's attached himself to their existence like the lifeline he had in ryslig. basil was just the first to hear it. ]
[Maybe if Basil were a different person, with different experiences, he would not have been so willing to forgive Shoyo for what he'd done. He won't forget, make no mistake...and if this happens again, things will likely be less easy, assuming you could say that they are at all. But...he knows what it feels like, to be out of control. To not fully understand even yourself why you're doing something, just that you're doing it, and there's nothing stopping you.
He understands that all too well.
Basil's eyes widen, and for a moment, the admission leaves him speechless. Back home, Basil lost all of his friends. His entire friend group splintered and broke apart, leaving him alone. But now...here? He...
He sometimes feels like he's been given another chance. Like he has them again...Max, Will, Gladion, Shoyo...
And it really does mean a lot, to actually hear it put into words. So much so that Basil is at a loss himself.]
...we love you too, Shoyo. I know you'd never do anything like this on purpose. That's...that's why I wanted to hear you out. Cause I couldn't believe it.
[ they are words not to be taken lightly. to hear them returned, we, he feels— elation and melancholy. a bittersweet warmth in his chest that still feels in part, a little empty. maybe it'd take some time to feel "full" again, or at the very least half full.
shoyo doesn't move from where he sits, but even then, as he lights up the greenhouse windows with greens and oranges, he feels like he's . . . hovering. hovering for something— because he wanted to do something, he just didn't know if he could. when in doubt: ]
[The fact Shoyo even feels the need to ask makes Basil's chest tighten, but at the same time he understands. Honestly, it's nice of him to be considering his feelings above all else...even if, in the end, this isn't really about him. It never was.
Instead of answering verbally, Basil leans forward and wraps his arms around Shoyo's neck, pulling him down a fraction since he's a little bit shorter.]
[ shoyo’s lips have pulled apart to gasp the softest sound, freeze rigid and upright— until he finally relax into a hold that needs just a bit of bending (funny, because he always used to be the one needing to reach, and he wasn't even that taller now, only by an inch). shoyo’s arms find basil’s shoulders and neck, and from there, it’s easier to give the other monster a tight, heartfelt embrace. next to the drop of his ears, he’ll hear the wet sputter of shoyo’s words, knocking his head sideways against basil’s. ]
Thank you—
[ basil knows just how sorry he was— it didn’t feel right to keep beating that hammer. after that? basil deserved much better.
and through their hug, the gargoyle would feel the little jitters of shoyo’s shoulders bouncing as he wept. ]
[Hearing Shoyo cry like this...it hurts. And it makes Basil wish he could erase the pain of what happened for him. It's awfully cruel, knowing that before all of this, Max and Shoyo were just normal friends. The unthinkable remained just that. Unthinkable. Unfathomable. And now...
Basil gives him a gentle squeeze, not hushing or stopping him as he cries. It's all...very familiar, for him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
watches basil with unblinking, swollen eyes, pained and mourning. ]
I did. [ not meaning to would have been killing her against his will. he may have not wanted to act like that now, but he still did. and that didn’t change the fact that his intention then had been what it was. if he had to do anything, with all of his respect toward max, and basil? is to not take that tempting, easy way out that seemed promising to balm the pain involving it. he had to man up and own it. ] I was so . . . Lonely, I wanted— I wanted her, t-to stay, with me.
[ he wasn’t trying to throw his blame anywhere, just— he didn’t know. an explanation was warranted to answer what happened? somehow. ]
And that’s . . . H-how I eat.
[ but he only found out after max had him remember. ]
no subject
[He just...was compelled to. To keep her with him. Literally.
That's what Basil has to believe. He can't fathom a world in which Shoyo would hurt someone intentionally, maliciously. And for that, well...he can't say he isn't upset at all, because the hurt is showing in his eyes and the way he holds himself. But he couldn't possibly hate him for it either, not given all the circumstances that have led them to this point.]
You. You said you and Max were...talking about it?
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he doesn't know until what point he's deserving of this amount of understanding, or effort to instead of just— pushing him away. it felt like the most obvious answer. maybe the easiest reaction and he's not seeing it. ]
We— talked. She reminded me. But . . . [ it hadn't extended much beyond the truth, and two lost children lacking in ideas to do much of anything beyond tears and fears. not even shoyo knew, yet. there were more things he didn't remember from the backrooms. ] We need more time, to figure it out. She . . . Needs time.
[ as much as she ]
I want to talk again— when she feels better to. [ shoyo sucks his lips into his mouth, canines pinching the skin from above. even if he raw eyes feel stingy and heavy, tears no longer fall; they've stained his cheeks enough, and what's left of them are abrupt little jolts from his shoulders as his lungs hiccup. ] I just wish I could . . . do something.
[ but it's frustrating that he comes up blank every damn time. ]
no subject
The Gargoyle swallows against the dryness in his mouth, wrapping his tail tight around his legs. He hates this, not just for Max, but for Shoyo too. And while it's something of a relief to finally know what happened, he...also feels burdened by it. It's knowledge he almost wishes he didn't have.]
...that...that's what matters most to me right now. That you listen to her, and do things at her pace. Which...it sounds like you're doing.
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[ so he knows where to go from here. ]
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I'm...a little upset you didn't tell me the truth, but that...I know that wasn't your fault. You didn't lie on purpose.
[Unlike some people-]
And I...wish you didn't hurt Max. But I can't take it back now that it's already happened. ...I think I would have felt different if...you guys fought or something, and you hurt her on purpose to be mean...you know?
no subject
[ he wished it wasn't him. he wished it never happened. i didn't know, shoyo tells himself in the comfort (or not) of his own thoughts, too. maybe a part of him knew something was wrong, but— it was so painful to remember. almost too painful. it felt like there was something more being torn from him when he did. torn and crushed and smeared all over the place. for basil to understand that was . . . a miracle he wasn't expecting, and something stronger than relief washes down his shoulders like a cascade. it didn't mean things were lighter, actually— he still felt the weight of it. harsh and beating on his back. ]
I'd never . . . I, [ his lips feel dry, and so does his mouth when he holds his breath back. before he could see himself exhaling, he was already saying it. ] love you guys.
[ his eyes feel like they'll stay watery permanently. they are such simple words, yet deeply profound. people need to hear it more, say it more, it didn't matter if he only knew them since may. they were his friends and he's attached himself to their existence like the lifeline he had in ryslig. basil was just the first to hear it. ]
no subject
He understands that all too well.
Basil's eyes widen, and for a moment, the admission leaves him speechless. Back home, Basil lost all of his friends. His entire friend group splintered and broke apart, leaving him alone. But now...here? He...
He sometimes feels like he's been given another chance. Like he has them again...Max, Will, Gladion, Shoyo...
And it really does mean a lot, to actually hear it put into words. So much so that Basil is at a loss himself.]
...we love you too, Shoyo. I know you'd never do anything like this on purpose. That's...that's why I wanted to hear you out. Cause I couldn't believe it.
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shoyo doesn't move from where he sits, but even then, as he lights up the greenhouse windows with greens and oranges, he feels like he's . . . hovering. hovering for something— because he wanted to do something, he just didn't know if he could. when in doubt: ]
Is it okay . . . If I hug you? Or—
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Instead of answering verbally, Basil leans forward and wraps his arms around Shoyo's neck, pulling him down a fraction since he's a little bit shorter.]
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Thank you—
[ basil knows just how sorry he was— it didn’t feel right to keep beating that hammer. after that? basil deserved much better.
and through their hug, the gargoyle would feel the little jitters of shoyo’s shoulders bouncing as he wept. ]
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Basil gives him a gentle squeeze, not hushing or stopping him as he cries. It's all...very familiar, for him.]
...it's okay. It's going to be okay.